Syeeta? WTF?

That is me. I'm not too proud of what i have become. i mean i used to be cute. not a boyish looking girl. i used to actually be happy. what the hell do you call this? my therapist thinks i've just gone down a spiral. i dont know what to call it to tell you the honest truth, i kinda wish i knew what was actually going on here, but yet i got no clue. is it wrong to even consider that maybe, my life is over at seventeen? no i shouldnt be that dramatic, i mean for christ sake. IM ONLY SEVENTEEN. look at how many years i got ahead of me... >.< can someone help me. i think i fucked up somewhere, yet i don't know where. today i had the biggest FMYLIFE disaster, i dont even know where to begin. this whole entire week has been BLAH! like what the fuck? that's for another post. this one is just about me. theres really nothing to mention more about how much of a DEAD BEAT LOSER I AM. my big brother mentioned how I'm a lying conniving little bitch. yes i lie. what else do you want from me. i'm a goddamn teenager not the fucking pope. dont expect me to be blessed and be a little angel because i am not even a step close to even having a halo above this head/

What Is Love?

Love; A four letter word with just one syllabol but with so much great meaning to it. Why must it seem like everyday for me its like a crazy train wreck just waiting to happen. Wake up, go to sleep and then this love problem repeats itself. Someday's i wish i could be like those people from the disney channel movies. Man life would be sweet; Like Apple pie or grandma cookies. Honestly cant remember the last time i had a well functioning relationship with someone else. I guess love wasnt meant for all of us. I could honestly say that if I could go back in time and be with that one person that i was with for two years. i would relive it until the world would explode in 2012. I miss the days, things just havent been the same since then, The few things in life that have ever made me happy is now gone. :// . Just goes to show you that you cant take anything in life for granted, i had to learn that the hard way. but don't get me wrong, love is not out of the picture for me just yet. Its just things were so right back then, now its like riding a roller coaster. my realationship is constantly riding up and down and around in loops. Its like i shall forever be Karma's bitch. i'm just hoping things will settle down in my realationship and it can be like the past where i was happy and without regrets. Now it seems like with everyday i live this the same mistake from the past that fucked me over and made who i am today. but i know that it will settle down. when? i dont know exactly but i will continue to hold my breath until its the time to breathe